


Convergence Rising

by primroseprint



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (2017), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Eventual Romance, Explicit Language, F/M, Force-Sensitive Reader, Kylo can't handle his emotions, Romance, Slow Burn, TFA spoilers, TLJ Spoilers, insecure kylo, kylo cant let go of the past, kylo cant use his words, playlist included
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 08:15:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 13,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13162908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/primroseprint/pseuds/primroseprint
Summary: With your Force abilities you could predict the future of anyone. It was what you based your career off of, but when a First Order Commander walks into your shop, he changes your whole life. Supreme Leader Snoke orders you to give Commander Ren extra lessons in the ways of the Force. Now you had a new enemy. Or was he an ally? The thoughts of another begin flooding into your mind and your future was becoming fuzzy and unreadable. All you knew was that it would inevitably include Kylo Ren.





	1. White Noise & Darkness

It was a breezy sunny day on Naboo at the coast. The flowy white sundress you donned becoming unsettled with the passing breeze. The sheer material allowed for air to move freely against your skin. You sighed, hanging the sign at the front of your shop indicating it was now open to customers. Walking inside, you began to brew a pot of Cambylictus tea and prepared a cup of Blue Milk to mix in. It was then that you heard the bell at the door, prompting you to set the kettle down and stride into the main area of the small shop.

With a polite smile you looked toward the pale woman, taking her hand in yours. “Hello.” You greeted her.

Your shop, albeit small, garnered many patrons during the day. Your line of work? You told people their futures. Well, possibilities of their futures. You were extremely Force sensitive, making it easy to establish a force bond with your patrons and evaluate their past, present, and future. Although, you couldn’t interpret fate closely as everyone held their futures in their own hands.

“Hello.” The woman replied as you led her toward a table behind a curtain. There were several plush chairs around the table, but you only pulled out the one across from you for the woman. She was human, with beautiful deep brown locks. Her hair was pulled tightly behind her face in a ponytail. She looked tired, as if she hadn’t been sleeping. “Something is worrying you. What do you desire to know?”

“My husband and I have been trying to conceive for so long. They ran tests and said it’s near impossible for me to sustain a child in my womb, but… Tulik and I want a child desperately. Perhaps a little girl? He’d probably want a boy, though.” She laughed tiredly. “Please, do you see a child in our future? At all?” She near begged as tears welled in her eyes. You nodded, taking her hands in yours. All their past sorrow over infertility flowed into your body. She wanted a little girl to spoil her and give her all the love she had never gotten as a child. The child would undoubtedly belong to a loving family. You did feel another Force presence. Possibly two? One was with her right now.

You looked back into the woman’s eyes. “What’s your name?” You asked. It felt weird to pry into her past without even knowing her name.

“Ah,excuse me, I’m Mandir.” Once introducing yourself in return you sat in silence for a moment. The woman was clearly becoming antsy as you gazed deeply into her eyes for what felt like an eternity. “Have you and your husband been… intimate lately?” You inquired. The woman hesitantly nodded. “A bit ago.” She admitted. You nod, as it began to become clear.

“Well congrats, Mandir. I believe you are with child.” Seeing the smile grace the woman’s tired features, brought warmth to your heart. “While, I do feel it necessary to remind you that only medical testing will give you a definitive answer, I feel very strongly that you are with child.” Mandir began to laugh. More tears came, only this time they were filled with joy.

“A boy? Or a girl?” Mandir excitedly asked. Peering back into her future you see a beautiful scene of Mandir and, presumably her husband, Tulik playing together in a field. It appeared to be a boy and girl. It was unclear which child was older as they both were close in height. Perhaps one had grown fast? Or the other was awaiting a growth spurt. “It’s unclear. Although, I do see both a boy and a girl.” Mandir yelped with joy.

It was then that another image fled into your brain. The scene played out like a sad song. Mandir dropped a glass cup, causing it to shatter. The two children running to her side as she screamed out sobs.

“Here are the last of your husband’s things. We are very sorry.” A man said placing a box of trinkets into the woman’s hands.

“What’s wrong?” Mandir asked, seeing your somber expression. Your mouth ran dry. You weren’t sure what to say. “What does your husband do?” You ask in an attempt to segue into other conversation.

“Uh, he’s a radar technician on a Resistance ship.” She shook her head. “He doesn’t much like it, though. He was roped into it by our financial troubles. He doesn’t like being away from me so long. He mentioned that he’d love to open a shoe making shop.” She giggled. “It’s always a passion of his, but it’s risky starting a business, you know?”

You nodded. His death had to have been in relation to his occupation under the Resistance. “He should follow his dreams.” You smiled. “Tell him to resign as soon as possible and do what makes him happiest.”

Mandir’s eyes widened for a moment. Then, she nodded. “I’ll tell him you said that! Thank you so much!” You stood and she pulled you into a hug. “Nothing can repay you for this info, but how much do you desire for payment? Will 500 credits suffice?”

You hurriedly shook your head. “Goodness! 200 will be adequate. No need to empty your purse.”

Mandir, thanking you once again gives you the money and you wave as she exits the shop. After storing the bills into a safe box, you return to your tea, still warm. You sighed and mix in the Blue Milk before taking a long sip of the warm drink. As it went down it warmed your insides. You felt good having hopefully positively influenced that woman’s future. You wished her all the best in her future. _Maybe she’ll name a child after me_ , you thought laughing.

There was another chime at the front. Cup in hand, you glided back into the lobby, greeting your new patron. This time it was a man. He had long black hair and deep brown eyes. His skin was dotted with freckles and beauty marks. He wasn’t the worst looking guy. You led him to the table in the back as you had with Mandir. You introduced yourself and asked for his name.

“That’s not important.” He replied monotonously. “And I know who you are.” Yikes, this guy was rather pushy. It wasn’t uncommon that patrons requested to keep their name a secret, but it was normally because they were involved in shady business. His aura wasn’t the brightest either, but that was none of your business.

“Um, what knowledge do you wish to learn?” His dark eyes bore into you coldly, making you shift uncomfortably.

“I’d like to know the location of someone.” He said coolly.

“Ah, that’ll run you a bit of money. Revelation is rather difficult, and not all the time accurate when I perform it.” He waved a hand dismissively at you. “I don’t care.” He sneered.

You nodded, forcing yourself to keep your composure. “Who are you searching for?” You ask reluctantly. You decide now that if he had bad intentions, you wouldn’t comply.

“My uncle.” He states simply. “Do you have any of his belongings that I can base a connection with?” You couldn’t read him. All you could hear in his head was white noise. He was blocking you out for some reason. He was strong with the Force then. It wasn’t every day that you met someone that could match your Force ability.

“No, but I figured you’d be familiar with him. His name is Luke Skywalker.” You nearly choked on your sip of tea. His uncle is Skywalker himself? You could’ve laughed out loud. This was surely a prank. Leia Organa had a child? You’d heard rumor of it, but supposedly he had died long ago.

You shook your head. “No one knows the location of Skywalker. Why don’t you ask your Mommy where he is?”

“Do you think I would be here if it were that easy?” He was clearly losing patience. You tried once more to read his intentions, once again only getting white noise. Although, you could sense he wasn’t lying. “Get out of my head.” He shouts at you.

Quickly standing, you point toward the door. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” Now you were scared. This couldn’t turn out well for you. It was then that you felt your airway become blocked off. “You’re not going to ask me to do anything. _You will do what I command you to._ ” You grasped desperately at your neck. “If you can’t tell me what I want to know, then clearly you’re a fake. You claim to be able to deduce anything with your Force powers. Everyone boasts of their visits to you and how accurate you are. You will obey me!” He shouts at you as you begin to lose consciousness. The lack of air to your brain was making everything fuzzy and before you knew it, everything faded to black.

 

Briefly coming back to, you look around to see you’re in a dull room. The walls were made of silver metallic material, and the grey tiled floor beneath you was cool on your skin. You sat up quickly and began to panic. Screaming for help, you clawed at the walls.

It was then that a man in a mask looked through the small opening to your room. No, it wasn’t a room. It was a cell. “Through the grace of the General, you are still alive.” His deep modulated voice spoke. “He decided you might be serve other purposes for the First Order.”

No, not the First Order, you thought. This would only spell out trouble for you.

“Oh yes, sweetheart, it’s the First Order.” He then strode off.

You began to scream once again, not noticing that tears had begun to flow down your cheeks. “Help me please! Help!” You screamed as loud as you could.

_No one can help you now, a v_ oice echoed in your head. It was the voice of the man from earlier.

This was all his fault. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya! first and foremost, i'd like to thank you all for reading. i fell in love with kylo after watching tlj and i was enthralled by the star wars universe. i've only seen a slew of videos on lore as well as tfa and the empire strikes back. that being said, please let me know if there are any universe inaccuracies in this work. my bf is an sw nerd and found nothing wrong, but ya never know! i decided to write this work because i didn't like how kylo was characterized in certain fics. it seemed like he wasn't very true to character. in my work there probably won't be soft cuddly kylo for awhile, if at all. i just don't see him as the type to fall head over heels and demonstrate grand romantic gestures. even so, he will warm up to the reader and their will be eventual romance. i hope you all join me for this ride! much love <3


	2. Manipulation & Monsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Supreme Leader Snoke presents you with an offer you can not refuse.

It seemed like you were incarcerated forever. With no light or anything to indicate time, you couldn’t tell how long you had been in this metal death box. You forced yourself to stay sane by reciting who you were, where you were from, and the names of people you know. You refused to let them purge your mind and erase your existence.

Interrupting your thoughts, a red headed man opened your cell door. He was the General. He often checked up on you, albeit never speaking. General Hux, you believed it was. Why couldn’t you remember for sure? Oh gracious, were they erasing your memories?

“The Supreme Leader has requested an audience with you and the Commander.” He refuses to make eye contact with you, as he hadn’t since you’ve been here.

“Why?” You became panicked. Were they going to execute you? What if you were to become some sort of slave to do the First Order’s bidding? No, you wouldn’t let them take your dignity. You’d get out of here some way.

“Come on.” He evades your question and waits for you to follow behind him. As you stood, the white sundress that had once complimented your beauty, lay in tatters fluttering behind you. You smelled and were covered in dirt. You couldn’t possibly make an appearance looking like this! Even so, the Stormtroopers ushered you onward behind the General. You went down several dull grey hallways in this labyrinth of a ship. It was impossible to keep track of where you were going or where you had come from.

It hadn’t occurred to you that you had arrived at your destination until the General turned back and exited the room. This room looked much different from the other’s. The room held the same black reflective tiling, but the walls were a blood red. Intimidating grey pillars towered over you. You noticed you were cowering in fear at the end of the room once a guard pushed you making you fall forward on your knees.

“Thank you for joining us.” You looked up to see a decrepit and scarred old man. He sat domineeringly over you. To his right was the man in the mask who had visited you when you were first imprisoned. He had to be the Commander. You stood to your feet once more, feeling sick. “Speak when spoken to girl!” You shook with fear at his booming voice and nodded in response.

“What’s going on?” You asked reluctantly. It bothered you that you couldn’t look the Commander in the eyes. You felt like he was staring straight into your being, but the mask kept you from knowing for sure.

The Supreme Leader however, made it no secret that he was sizing you up. Surveying you as a satisfactory prey. “It was no secret that you possess immense Force ability. After all, it is common in your race.” He smirked evilly.

_What? How did he know these things?_

“Idorians are always blessed with strong Force powers. Even so, your race wasted its ability on idiotic superfluous things like gardening and preserving your planet’s ecosystem. You all could’ve trained and became a force to be reckoned with in this galaxy. But, you all were very adamant about staying neutral.”

Did he probe your mind for all this info? You had kept up a mental block this entire time. Him knowing this was damn near impossible.

“You were neutral _until_ the First Order created an alliance with the planet. For that, the Resistance targeted you. They’re the reason your family, your friends, everything you struggled to keep alive _is dead_.”

The Resistance were behind the attack on your planet? The images of the beautiful flora and fauna of your planet going up in flames was eternally burned in your mind. The sound of the young children in the tribe screaming as they were burned alive played in your head until the end of time. You tried desperately to fight off the seemingly infinite amount of soldiers, despite the warnings of your tribe elders.

“We understand your rage, dear. We want to help you achieve vengeance. We can help you.” The words that slipped off his tongue sounded sinister. You couldn’t deny that what he was saying made sense. The neutral pacificity of your race had never suited you. You wanted to get revenge, to take everything _they_ loved. But, what would that solve? “You can train my young apprentice Commander Ren in the more passive Force abilities. You see, he has trouble controlling himself on the battlefield, which can be detrimental when using the Force. I simply don’t have the time to look after him and train him every hour of the day, me being Supreme Leader and all. But, to my understanding your schedule just cleared up.” They wanted you to train him? You had never trained anyone before. You weren’t even sure you had an adequate amount of ability to teach him anything.

“I’d be glad to.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is snoke telling the whole truth? do you really trust him?
> 
> thank you all for reading! i'm going to try to submit the next chapter soon as this was pretty short. i know you haven't had any kylo time yet, but i swear you'll actually speak to him for more than 2.5 seconds next time! much love <3


	3. Emotions & Progress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You are unexpectedly interrupted by the Commander to begin his training.

Snoke ordered some Stormtroopers to show you to your new quarters so he could talk to the Commander in private. The room wasn’t very big, but it had a connected personal refresher so you supposed you couldn’t complain. Before you could ask any questions, the large metal door closed behind you. The first order of business would have to be cleaning yourself up.

You stepped into the refresher and turned the knob to the shower putting it on the highest possible heat. Stepping out of the grimy white sundress you slid into the shower. The glass panes becoming fogged up with steam, you ran your hand over the one to your right, idly doodling. The warmth of the water enveloped your body making you forget the events of the past few days. Almost.

You wondered what the Commander would be like. He has issues with being overly emotional according to Snoke. He undoubtedly had a horrible temper like most First Order ranked officials.

Speaking of First Order officials; where was that man who had spoken to you in the shop? You had yet to see him during your time on board the ship. Maybe he had sold you to the First Order? Either way you despised him for putting you in this situation. You could’ve continued your quiet life on Naboo as a Force reader until your inevitable natural end. Now, your life was being unnecessarily put at risk because of your forced affiliation.

You heard the door to your quarters open and close as well as some heavy footfalls. You quickly cut off the water and quieted yourself. Tiptoeing out of the shower, you grabbed a nearby towel and peeked out of the refresher door.

 _I can see you, come out,_ the man’s voice echoed in your head.

You jumped out of the bathroom using your Force to hurl a lamp at the intruder. He dodged it with ease, and you realized it was the Commander.

“What are you doing in here! You can’t just barge into someone’s quarters!” You scolded him, feeling suddenly very modest. The towel covered everything of importance, but you still felt very naked.

“First of all,” The deep modulated voice said. “You didn’t lock your quarters so I figured it would be fine. Secondly, you’re moving on my schedule. It’s my lunch right now and I’d prefer to begin training as soon as possible.”

You found it odd that he wasn’t eating. Maybe he was a cyborg and didn’t need food for nourishment. “Well, I was busy showering.” You motioned to your dripping hair and body.

“Looks like you’re done now.” He spoke matter of factly. You decided now that you wouldn’t like him.

“Can you at least give me some privacy to put on clothes.” You scoffed at him. After a moment of silence, he exited your quarters his cloak whooshing behind him. Sighing in relief, you wander to the closet to find that you had been provided clothing. Everything was black and bland, but that seemed to be the theme around here so you’d have to make it work. There was a somewhat fashionable two piece. The black top was form fitting and featured a silver zipper down the middle. The pants were also black and flared out at the bottom for ease of leg movement. It would do for now.

Once dressed, you slipped your feet into some black (shocker) slide on rubber shoes and exited your quarters. The Commander stood outside your door, and judging by his tapping foot, impatiently awaiting your exit.

“Finally ready. You’ve already wasted enough of my time. Follow me to the combat room so we can get started.”

What stick was up this dude’s butt? You were supposed to teach him, the least he could do was not be an asshole. As you entered the enclosed room of the combat area you huffed. “Look, Commander whatever your name is, if you don’t want to train with me, the feeling is mutual. I would love to be anywhere but here right now, but fate didn’t exactly work out that way. I’m trying my best right now not to burst out in tears and give up on life. I really don’t need your snarky comments on top of all this.” You were suddenly overwhelmed with frustration. It seemed as if the aura of every miserable person on this ship was rubbing off on you.

Or galaxy forbid you were establishing a Force bond with this whiny robot of a man.

“It’s Kylo. Kylo Ren.” He replied.

“What?”

“My name. It’s Kylo Ren. Call me whatever.” He waved a dismissive hand. Well, that was a step. At least you were on first name basis. “I assume you know my name, so I won’t bother with introductions.” You said and offered your hand for shaking. After a moment of hesitation he took your hand in his large gloved one and gave it one firm shake.

“Also, it would be easy for me to get a feel for your strengths and weaknesses if I could read the emotions on your face. I would just delve into your mind, but you’re obviously blocking me out. Something has to give.” You figured it was a simple request. Just take the stupid helmet off so you could look at him directly.

“No.” He answered monosyllabically. No? That was absolutely absurd! It was just a stupid helmet! He was stubborn, but you’d break him. You’d figure out the layered maze of a person that was Kylo Ren.

Deciding to drop it for now, you used your Force to chuck a dumbbell suddenly at him. He dodged it but began to swear and shout.

“What the hell are you doing?” He demanded.

“I’m assessing your ability, since you won’t let me peer into your mind this is how it has to be. You should’ve been able to toss it away from your person to keep yourself safe. You won’t always be able to rely on your physical ability, so you have to sharpen your mental senses.”

He only scoffed in return and looked away from you. “You’re impulsive. You need to assess possible outcomes of a situation and react accordingly.”

“I am not impulsive.” He mutters under his breath. You decide to ignore the comment and move on.

“Let’s focus on your Force sight.” You sit in the center of the room cross legged and motion for him to join you on the padded floor. Once he sits facing you, you continue “Force sight is a basic Force ability that focuses on spatial and visual awareness. Can you tell me, without looking, what is on the shelf directly behind you.” You move some small items on and off the shelf to ensure he hadn’t just memorized the layout. After some silence he huffs.

“This is stupid! I don’t need to learn this child level Force exercise. Teach me something like Force Revelation!” He frustratedly exclaimed. “How do you expect to be able to see what’s going on _galaxies_ away when you can’t even see what’s behind you?” You question, raising an eyebrow. “Just focus.”

Silence fills the room for a while, before he finally replies. “Left to right there is one dumbbell, a First Order pin, and a datapad.”

You smile. “Good. A big part of using the Force is slowing down and being aware of your surroundings. When caught in a tight pinch you may have to use unorthodox measures to best your enemy.” As you are speaking, you slowly levitate the dumbbell and throw it at your pupil. This time it stops just at his back, before slowly falling to the ground. “See, being aware of your surroundings makes a surprise attack a lot less likely to harm you.” You had to admit you felt good seeing him make this minimal progress. “Now tell me how many Stormtroopers are posted outside in this hallway.”

This time the silence is even longer before you hear an  _I can’t do it_ in your head.

“Yes, you can. Just focus.” For a moment you notice his head raise to look at you. He begins to start a sentence, before deciding against it, and going back to the exercise.

“There’s nine. One at every door and two at this one.” He answers, dare you say, excitedly? “Good job!” You praise him.

Then, there was a knock on the door and the General entered. “Excuse me.” He nods at you. “Commander, you’re needed on the bridge.”

“Looks like our time is up for today. I assume you’ll summon me for our next session. Just, please, knock next time.”

Ren nods silently at you and stands to follow Hux out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! once again, i know kylo didnt speak much, but when does he ever when hes not throwing a tantrum or manipulating someone? he's beginning to not hate you though so thats a step! its all about relationship building!
> 
> much love to all my readers <3


	4. Suppression & Memories

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You finally see Kylo's face and discover who he really is.

A few days passed with no word from Ren. Or Kylo? Commander? That didn’t matter. You had messaged his datapad a few nights ago instructing him to continue to exercise his Force sight by attempting to navigate places without the use of his normal sense. You received no response, but figured it was due to him just being busy. He was Commander after all.

Your datapad chimed with a notification of a message from General Hux.

_Ren wishes to meet with you in the combat center by the hour. He urges me to remind you not to be late._

That was doable. It was only half past the hour, you had a bit of time to get a granola bar. Well, you would have time if you could actually find the combat center in a reasonable amount of time. You’d have to skip your small snack. It was unlikely that Kylo had eaten either. You couldn’t exactly make him a meal, and a granola bar was hardly something you’d deem to be dinner.

Shaking your head, you began your trek to the combat center. You knew it was near the infirmary. Where was the infirmary?

You were hopeless. You couldn’t tell heads or tails of where you were. You had been too lazy to explore the ship the past few days, focusing on adjusting to your quarters and new way of life.

It was then that you are stopped by a woman in a chrome suit. You had seen her a few times before, only this time her helmet was missing. “The Commander sent me to look for you.” She informed you. You felt positively flustered. Kylo was treating you like a child. Even if it was warranted, it was still a bit degrading. “Are you lost?” The woman asked. You nod sheepishly, not wanting to admit your confusion.

“I can lead you there. I’m Captain Phasma, by the way.” You nod and introduce yourself in return. “I know it can be rather difficult navigating these halls. I’ll make sure a holomap is sent to you ASAP.”

Finally a decent human being on this metal mass of misery! “Thank you so much!” You were eternally grateful. No more getting lost on your way to the mess hall and deciding to go back to and make a meal out of whatever fruits you had back in your quarters.

“It’s no problem. If you have any other issues, feel free to contact me and I’ll see to it that I or one of my troops can figure something out for you.” You could’ve broke out in tears at this woman’s kindness and decency. Although, you could tell she didn’t mean much by it, it was nice to know there was someone here you could call that wouldn’t patronise you for your incompetence.

Phasma motioned to the closed doorway of the combat center. “Here we are.” You thanked her once more before she gave you a small smile and walked off.

You entered the room to see the mask on a nearby shelf. Kylo’s back was toward you as he lifted weights. Ah, he was complying to your no helmet request.

“You’re late.” He states curtly. You nod “Yes I know, and I’m sorry. I just got a little… lost.” He sets the dumbbells on the ground and scoffs. “I told that idiot Hux to send someone to retrieve you from your quarters. I knew he ignored my request. He’s always undermining my authority!”

It was then that he turned to face you. You traced his features. His sharp jaw, freckles, pale skin, and… deep brown eyes. The same deep brown eyes that stared you down as he choked the life out of your body. He was the man from the shop. The man who tried to kill you. The man who brought you here! Overwhelmed with fury you began to hurl things around the room at him. First the weights, then the shelves, and lastly the ornate wall decorations. He began to catch them with his Force, until he became overwhelmed and began to dodge the flying objects. It was then that he realized this wasn’t an exercise. “This is all your fault!” You screamed balling your hands in fists. “You’re the reason I’m here! I should’ve known when I heard your fucking voice in my head!”

Kylo looked genuinely shocked for a moment, before realizing the reason behind your anger. “I understand, and I do apologize for hurting you then, but you must understand–”

“I don’t have to understand shit!” You spat at him. He was the reason you weren’t still peacefully existing on Naboo. “You barged in their demanding things of me and now I’m here! You ever think about me? My life? I had goals, friends, somewhere I _belonged_. I hadn’t felt like that in a _long_ time. And you…no, the First Order took that from me!”

He stared at the floor for a moment. You then noticed tears were flowing down your cheeks. “I just–”

“No! You don’t get to explain yourself! You were after what you wanted, and nothing–nobody–would stand in the way. All you First Order people are the s–”

“Shut up!” He shouted at you. “I AM SORRY! OKAY?!” He was breathing heavily. Finally, his mental guard went down and you felt all of his emotions. Confusion, confliction, and…

_Remorse._

He was trying hard to suppress his anger.

_Calm down calm down calm downcalmdowncalmdowncalmdowncalmdowncalmdown–_

“Get out of my head!” You shouted cupping your hands over your ears. “Stop… please…” You sobbed. He was toying with you by implanting his ‘thoughts’ into your head. He was trying to manipulate you into thinking he actually regretted his actions.

“I’m not in _your_ head! You get out of _mine_!” What was he talking about? You weren’t doing this on purpose.

Oh no.

Oh _fuck_.

This type of thing happened many times on your planet before. People would accidentally establish an extremely strong Force bond and their thoughts would be bound together. It generally only happened between two people who were close. Brother and sister. Mother and child. Husband and wife. But it never– _never_ –happened with two strangers.

There was only one time you ever remember hearing about this from the tribe Elder. She said people who had intertwined futures, normally soulmates, would meld like this. Everyone always assumed her words held no weight and that it was just a silly myth.

You realized he was staring at you astonishedly. It then occurred to you that he could hear your thoughts, as well.

_Fuck._

“Yeah. Fuck is right.” He mimicked you harshly.

You had to turn this off. You could sever the bond somehow, right? You had never heard of it, but there had to be a way. “You know if one of us died, the bond can be broken.”

He scowled at you. “Don’t push your luck with me. Remember who I am.” He was intimidating, but you had to hold your ground. You wouldn’t let him push you around.

“If I wanted you dead, you would be.” You spat.

“Likewise.”

Alright, he could totally out-intimidate you. Deep down you knew the two of you would have to drop your animosity for each other at some point. There was no way Snoke would let you leave alive, and you knew Ren didn’t _exactly_ want you dead. At least from what you could read.

“You wouldn’t be of use to me dead.” _Fuck, he could still hear you._ “If I’m completely honest with you, yes, I did kidnap you for personal gain. I just want to find Skywalker and end his old withered life. After that, I swear I’ll return you to where you came from. I’ll make sure no one touches you.” He confesses. You couldn’t sense deception in any corner of his mind.

“Why would you want him dead?” You could finally sift through his memories. His story about being Skywalker’s nephew wasn’t a lie. Leia was indeed his mother, and of course Han Solo was his father. You see Solo shipping a young Kylo, no, _Ben_ off to train with his uncle. Then everything flashes to Kylo’s animosity upon seeing Luke’s raised lightsaber at him. “Skywalker tried to… kill you?” You could hardly believe your eyes. Skywalker was a supposed to be a hero. Some valiant hero he was.

“I want him to finish what he started or face his bitter end.” You could feel Kylo’s fury. Every shred of him bore hatred for his family.

All except his mother. They held a bond that anyone could feel. You decided against asking about her for now.

“We’re after the same thing. The fall of the Resistance. You don’t even have to assist me all the way through. I swear to you–”

“You don’t have to swear anything.” You became weary with all his emotions. You only wanted to sleep. “You stand by your word. I’ll know long before you betray me. Remember that.” Kylo nodded.

“I wish to return to my quarters now. I need a few days to myself.” You begin to walk towards the door before Kylo stops you by clearing his throat.

“Now that we’re bound, I need you to shadow me at all times.” You looked to his face to survey him for any sign of insincerity only to find none. “My thoughts are confidential and I need to be assured that you aren’t airing my dirty laundry.”

_Was this man serious?_ Of course he was. He was never not serious. “No. I refuse to follow you all day like a child. I need breaks. I need to eat. I can’t be around Commander Piss Pants all day.” You could feel his anger rise. That stung a nerve.

“Well, you will be. It’s that or be locked in a box where I can be sure you won’t be speaking to _anyone_.”

This was the only way and you knew it. His paranoia was understandable. You’d be worried as well if you had any secrets you wanted to keep. “Fine.” You decided to comply. For now.

“Also, you are not to speak of my blood relation to the Skywalkers. Do I make myself clear?”

You rolled your eyes. “Yes, Master.” You replied sarcastically.

_I’ll be free of him eventually_ , you thought.

Little did you know, Ren would play a larger role in your future than you would ever know.

“We’re getting dinner in the mess hall. If I don’t eat I will pass out.” After a moment, Kylo reluctantly nods in agreement. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always thank you for reading! hope everyone enjoyed this quality kylo time lol. there will be more next chapter. 
> 
> much love <3


	5. Grief & Giggling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Kylo enjoy a meal at the mess hall as you delve deeper into your race's past traditions.

Kylo led you wordlessly down the hallway. His mask was still absent from his face allowing you to look upon his features. His face denoted nothing of his earlier fury. He was very good at hiding his emotions from others. That was possibly why he always had his emotional outbursts. If he just talked to someone he wouldn’t have these prob–

_‘Don’t try to psychoanalyze me. You’re not my shrink.’_ His voice echoed in your head.

_‘I wouldn’t have to if you positively expressed your feelings. With you it’s an erupting volcano or cool blizzard. Never an in between.’_ You calmly retorted.

_‘Dark side users use passionate feeling to fuel their Force energy. This is who I am.’_

_‘No. It’s who you wish to be.’_

He quickly whirled around and glared at you. He opened his mouth but all that came out was a growl. His anger faltered as a group of Stormtroopers exited the mess hall and saluted him. He simply nodded in return.

Once the group was out of earshot you spoke up, “It seems to me like you rely heavily on your past to shape your future.” You strode across the floor of the mess hall, retrieving a grey plastic tray and joining the queue with the rest of the people.

“Don’t talk about me as if you know me.” He growled under his breath.

You took servings of the small selection of food they had on display as well as a lukewarm cup of tea. You look behind you to see Kylo’s empty hands. “You’re not eating?”

He shook his head. “I eat in my private quarters. I prefer my men not see me in such a vulnerable state.”

“So you prefer them to not know you’re human? Kylo when is the last time you had a decent meal?”

Kylo’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean by decent?” He huffed and rolled his eyes. “I eat, okay!” He exclaimed quietly.

“Kylo get some of that food. We’re not leaving until you eat!” You insist, pointing toward the buffet of warm food. “And you better get vegetables, too!”

_‘I’m not getting any stupid vegetables.’_

“Yes you are!” You near shout, catching the attention of nearby troops. “And I’m going to make you eat it all!”

“You can’t make me do anything.” Kylo sneered. His frustration was building and you could feel it in the back of your mind. He was as stubborn as the Idorian children you looked after in your tribe.

_‘I am not a child!’_ He exclaimed in your head.

“Then, eat.” You sat at an empty table, watching Kylo tentatively, making sure he took adequate portions of each food group. You silently sipped on your tea and bit into your sandwich. You look over to see him swallowing spoonfuls of soup.

“Is it good?” You ask between a bite of sandwich.

“It’s impolite to speak with your mouth full.” He spoke without looking in your direction.

You merely rolled your eyes and polished off the last few bites of the meal. “While we’re here, we’re going to work on another Force ability. Today we’re going to sharpen your Telepathy and analyze how that works together with Farseeing.” Kylo sat in silence. “So, telepathy is–”

“I’m not an idiot. I know what telepathy is.”

You closed your eyes and inhaled. What you wouldn’t give for the stars to come down and swallow him whole. “Well, once you get comfortable with telepathy that can assist you in Farseeing. If you are able to assess the feelings attached to one’s experiences or goals, you can more accurately predict their future moves.” Once again there is silence. “In combat, if you can quickly deduce that your enemy has had a childhood injury on their right side, it would of course make sense to aim for that side, yes? This is where Farsight comes into play. If you are impulsive–like someone I know–you may rush to attack. Let’s say that person is trained in combat and knows to protect that side. You attack their right and they dodge, and slash at you with their left arm. Farsight can help aid you in choosing a course of action.” Kylo rolls his eyes.

_‘This is ridiculous. I’m Commander, for kriff’s sake! I know basic combat strategy.’_

“Sure you know basic strategy,” You sneered. “But you often let anger take over in place of your strategy, which won’t win you the fight every time.” You begin to survey the cafeteria, ignoring Kylo’s vulgar comments in his head. “Him.” You nod towards a Stormtrooper in the queue for dinner. “Tell me what he will order.”

“How will this help me?”

“Just do it.” You maintained.

He focuses for a moment. The noise in his head quiets as he attempts to probe the man’s mind. “Well, his favorite food–roast skycatcher– is being served today and… he was instructed to increase his vegetable intake. So, he’s probably going to get a side salad as well.” Kylo’s wall eyed gaze ceased and he looked towards you. You look onward at the man and see him only take a salad before walking back to a table.

For a moment Kylo looks dejected, but you take his hand and motion to the man. After speaking to the men at the table he steals a flycatcher drumstick off of another man’s plate. They all laugh as he eats it.

You turn back to Kylo. “See. Telepathy is important, but Farseeing is just as much so. Fate has several variations of itself. My tribe Elder always said ‘The destination remains the same; We all will die, but how we get there and what we achieve before we do, remains up to us.”

“Sounds like lightsider malarkey.” Kylo dismissed the idea and realized you were still touching him. You awkwardly released his hand and he begins to push around the leftover meat in his soup with his spoon.

“We weren’t lightsiders. Or darksiders for that matter. Idorians believed that you could maintain an even middleground if you keep yourself in check. But, that doesn’t mean you’re not allowed to feel.” You explained. “Idorians were very strict with their beliefs. If someone swayed in one direction or the other, they would be abandoned and left to die. They believed too much emotion would lead people to neglect their morals, but apathy would lead you to neglect your responsibilities. A core belief was that pacificity was above all, as violence encouraged a sway in the balance.” Even in the face of death they smiled and welcomed their demise.

“I’ve never heard of that. I suppose you were greysiders, then?” You nod in response.

“In a way, I suppose.”

After an elongated silence Kylo looks towards you. He could feel the immense grief in your heart as you thought about your tribe. He wished to say something to lighten your mood, but he wasn’t sure what would.

“I prefer to use Farseeing for other things.”

You raise an eyebrow. “Like what?”

He surveys the mess hall for an unsuspecting Stormtrooper. He decides on one identified as SB-6023. A week prior he had stepped on Kylo’s cape nearly tripping him on the bridge. Hux had gotten a hearty laugh out of it.

Kylo waited for the man to lean down and sip his soup before making it explode all over his face. He promptly stood and crashed into another trooper who reached up to grab another engineer. This only caused the man to collapse forward and drop his tray on SB-6023, knocking him out.

You gasped in surprise at him. “Kylo!” You quietly exclaimed before erupting into giggles. For a moment you could’ve sworn you saw a glimpse of a smile on the Commander’s face. Did your eyes deceive you?

He glances down at his datapad. “I’m needed elsewhere. We need to leave.” He stands and his cape flourishes before he walks past the heap of men on the ground to exit the mess hall. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you so much for reading! i've always had the headcanon that kylo despises vegetables so i wormed it into this chapter. 
> 
> much love to everyone reading and enjoying this! <3


	6. Fury & Forgetting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kylo has a little outburst and you try to calm him down.

You spent the greater part of your day following the Commander around. You felt so tired that you could collapse. Kylo looked towards you noticing the exhaustion in your eyes.

“I just have to pick up some documents and then I’ll be done for the night.” He says as the dull metal door slid closed behind him. He had just finished meeting with Hux about a possible traitorous Stormtrooper. Kylo seemed completely uninterested in the ordeal and just ordered Phasma to deal with it. Hux very _clearly_ wasn’t happy with his indifference to the situation, but for once he held his tongue. “Phasma has a collection of statements from suspected troopers. I just need to read them over and give her the okay to interrogate.” He was more stressed out than he was letting on. You could feel the tension deep within him gathering at his core. Deciding against commenting, you simply nodded.

As he led you up and down the winding halls of the Finalizer he reached a room where he wordlessly gestured for you to stay outside. Perhaps you weren’t important enough to look upon whatever secrets this room held. Rolling your eyes, you leaned against a nearby wall next to a Stormtrooper. Sleep pulled at your eyes, making it hard for you to even stand.

“How’s your night?” You ask the Stormtrooper. After they don’t reply you sigh exhaustedly. It became more and more evident where everyone’s shitty attitude came from with each passing day.

Just as you began to slide to the floor, overcome with sleep, Kylo exits the room and grabs your shoulder roughly. “Ow what’s your problem?” You ask as he drags you along behind him. He was seething. Your body suddenly felt like it was being submerged in a much too hot bath. Everything prickled and burned.

“Hux.” He growled. “He thinks I’m incapable. He’s always trying to make me into an idiot!” He shouted as several Stormtroopers passed by. They must’ve known he was in a mood as they hurried past without even saluting.

“What happened?” You ask as he continues to pull you until you reached a room, possibly his private quarters, where he closes the door behind the two of you.

He tears books off of shelves and shatters glasses on the floor. He tears off his helmet and throws it, making a dent similar to several others in that wall.

“Hey! Hey!” You rush over to grab him. “Stop it! Breathe!” His look is animalistic–predatory, even–you’d have to be careful with your words.

“This doesn’t concern you!” He shouts at you.

“It does when we’re connected and I can feel everything you do! I feel your anger trapped inside, like a wild Reek. You need to breathe and talk this out.”

His eyes soften for a moment, but his understanding is set ablaze by the fury in his soul. “What do you know about what I need? You think because you can get into my head you know me? You think because you know my real name that you can play therapist?” He exclaims, pushing past you. “Why is everyone trying to fix me? I’m not some sort of broken toy!”

Deciding it was best to let him ride this wave, you quietly sprawled out on the dark sheets of his bed. They smelled like him. It was a warm earthy kind of smell. You pulled the sheets over your head and shut your eyes, hoping he’d quiet down soon. A few minutes of stomping and yelling later, everything grew silent. The anger in your core had subsided, so his tantrum had likely passed. Your curiosity took over and you peeked out of the sheets. He was laid upon a couch, staring up at the ceiling.

Swallowing harshly, despite your better judgement, you peep up “Are you alright?”

The two of you sit in a tension filled silence for a moment. “Hux told Phasma that he’d go over the files because he didn’t think I’d execute the proper judgement. I’m not a child! I could’ve done–”

“Hux is an asshole.” You had to keep him from having another outburst. “But, look on the bright side. You can get some sleep.”

“I can’t sleep.” His hands came up to cover his face. He sighs deeply. “Every time I try to sleep I get these… dreams. They’re not nightmares exactly, but they…”

He was trying to open up. He wanted… no _needed_ someone to talk to. He isolated himself, and without a confidant, he was pushing all his feelings within himself. He was afraid to trust after everyone in his life who were supposed to love and protect him, had abandoned him. “I used to get nightmares a lot after… you know.” It still hurt to talk about the genocide of your people. You truthfully hoped that it was all a bad dream and one day you’d wake up and be back on Idor surrounded by the people you loved. But, there was no dream to wake up from. “I used to busy myself doing chores, reading books, and so on. But in the end, it only stressed me out more. Physically and mentally. But, I made a friend…” After your planet was destroyed, you were captured to be sold on Canto Bright. The planet was a cesspool of uppity rich people who had more money than they knew what to do with. They gawked at you as if you were an animal being paraded about. Once sold to an old man, who’s name you had purposefully forgotten, you met a girl who he had also bought for servitude. She was a beautiful Twi’lek girl named Aishid. You made fast friends as you worked so closely. You relied on her as the only person you ever shared your past with. She was your crutch. “I talked through things with her. I didn’t have to shoulder everything myself.”

He scoffed. “I wouldn’t want to burden anyone else with my everyday stress. I’m fine.”

“A burden, by definition, is something too heavy for one to carry. You have to open up at some point. Otherwise, you’re going to rip yourself apart at the seams.”

He turned away from you. Silence fell once again. Something in him softened. You could feel it.

 _‘Goodnight.’_ You said to him internally.

“Goodnight.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all for reading! much love <3
> 
> quick question though, would you guys be interested in a high school AU with Kylo and reader? I'm envisioning reader as class president resident art kid who everyone loves and kylo as mysterious new kid. kylo and reader get paired up on a project and they have to cooperate with each other and, of course, get romantic. let me know in the comments if you'd like to see it or have any suggestions!


	7. Routine & Relationships

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reader develops a routine and is given some news from Kylo.

Your life began to develop some resemblance of a daily routine. Albeit, this routine was heavily monitored by Commander Emo to ensure you weren’t getting into anything he disapproved of. After you woke up you’d be delivered your morning meal. After munching down on that in your new private quarters, which were now next to Kylo’s who also had the passkey to unlock your quarters, you dressed and trained in combat amongst Phasma’s top troops. You were very adept in the Force, but that alone wouldn’t save you on a battlefield. However, it was unlikely you’d see a battlefield in the first place. Better to be safe than sorry. After an excruciating eternity of combat training you were allotted a small lunch period, before you returned to the training halls for blaster training. After which, you were free to do what you wanted with your day. Oftentimes, Ren would call upon you to begin his training for the day, but some days, like this one, you were left to your own devices.

Recently you had taken up studying amongst the nurses and assisting them with whatever you could manage. You had made friends amongst them. One was a short stocky dark skinned woman named Noeldani, which you had affectionately began to call Noel. She had taken to you initially after hearing you held close quarters with the Commander. Noel developed a small crush on the man after she had seen him in the nude when tending to his battle wounds. She frequently asked how he was or what he busied himself with as of late, to which you always gave vague cryptic answers. However, when  she wasn’t fawning over Mr. Tall, Dark, and Gloomy she was quite sweet and often gave you the gossip of the ship.

“Ersami, you know the girl with the long blonde hair and green eyes who is always going on about her engineer boyfriend, well she’s called out sick three days in a row because he broke up with her supposedly.” Noel informed you as she wrote down the vitals of an unconscious Stormtrooper.

“Why did they break up?” You ask tentatively. Normally, you wouldn’t concern yourself with the dramatics of gossip, but this was your only source of entertainment.

Noel shook her head. “Apparently, her boyfriend, LR-4892, was caught screwing another female technician. Supposedly, one of the higher ups.”

You gasped. This wasn’t uncommon on the ship. It seemed as if every other day someone was caught having sex on duty. “I told Ersami he seemed sketchy. He was hiding something from her it was all in his Force energy.”

Your nurse companion sucked her teeth. “Ersami wouldn’t have left him even if Maker came down to slap her in the face and tell her 4892 was a dog. She’s an idiot.”

Your datapad chimed and you looked over the message.

_If you’re done your gossip session for the day, I need to see you. - KR_

You rolled your eyes and sighed. Your day was going so well. You didn’t feel like going to see him and shoulder his broodiness left over from the day.

Noel laughed as she read over your shoulder. “Better go run off to have your _private lessons_.~”

She wholeheartedly believed that Kylo and you had a secret sexual relationship. You often tried desperately to convince her that nothing of the sort was going on, but she would hear nothing of the sort. You wondered if she had made up any of the gossip in her warped mind due to slight misunderstandings.

“Tell Commander Sexy that I love him.” She teased playfully.

You almost gagged before shooting her a glare and striding out of the infirmary. You’d made it a point to familiarize yourself with the ship’s hallways in your off time and now you could almost navigate back to his quarters from the infirmary without checking your map. _Almost._

Once at his door, you raised your hand to knock but before you could the door slid open to your surprise.

You enter his quarters and collapse on his couch. It was quite a nice couch. Far nicer than anything you were given in your quarters.

“If you’re done mindlessly studying my couch, I’d like to get to business.” He barked at you, to which you rolled your eyes.

“Ever since you’ve been hanging out with that nurse you’ve been more open to wordlessly undermining me. What do you hope to gain from hanging around that sulfurous woman?” He asked disgustedly.

“Aw, what’s wrong Commander Sexy? Can’t deal with anyone thinking of you in a light that’s slightly less intimidating?” You knew he had been listening to your conversation with Noel as he often did. You wanted to push his buttons a bit.

He scoffed and looked away from you. “Anyways, pack your bags. We’ll be landing on another planet soon. I want to do some training there that I think will help me gain strength in my Force.”

This was rather sudden. Normally, when you landed on another planet you were left behind to twiddle your thumbs as the higher ups tended to whatever business they had. “What planet?”

“Mustafar.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya! its been a minute without a chapter i know, and this one is kinda short :,( but there should be more soon! thanks to everyone still reading. also small shout out to sweartoshakeitup who's fic The Killer's Apprentice motivated me to write again. 
> 
> much love <3


	8. Progress & Passion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You and Kylo have a heart to heart.

You asked a million and one questions which were all answered by Ren’s brooding silence. Turmoil was all you could sense from him. Finally, deciding to retreat from his mind and let the issue simmer for the moment, you make you way next door to your quarters. You pack as Ren had instructed you to. Tossing aside all clothing that would overheat you on the volcanic planet you allowed yourself to fall into deep thought.

Mustafar was Vader’s–Kylo’s grandfather’s– hideaway. Was that what this was about? The constant push and pull of the dark and light side of Kylo’s Force was exhausting. You couldn’t imagine what it would be like to be him.

The trip made you extremely uneasy. Mustafar emanates dark side energy. If Kylo plans to strengthen his Force there, he may be choosing the dark side once and for all. Even so, his Force energy was still a cacophony of different goals and morals. Not even Kylo knew what he wanted.

Your datapad lit up with a message from Kylo himself.

_We’ll be leaving very early, so I advise you to get plenty of rest- KR_

 

~

 

Rest was far from your mind as you lay and stare up at the ceiling. All of his Force was swirling in the pit of your stomach. As soon as you’d drift into some remnant of sleep, you’d awake in a cold sweat. This went on all night until eventually an alarm on your datapad sounded.

You dressed very quickly, sporting only a black camisole and shorts. You hastily tied a light jacket around your waist in case you were there until late evening and it became chilly. One of the chefs on the ship brought you your meal, which you denied due to your swirling stomach. Kylo approached your door behind the small woman who ran off at the sight of him.

“We’re leaving.” Was all he said before turning away from you and starting down the hall. He was still donned in his usual cloak and heavy black gear. Either he was greatly overdressed or you were greatly underdressed. This was volcanic Mustafar, right?

You followed him to his personal ship for smaller voyages. Only two pilots were on board. You found it odd that no Stormtroopers would be accompanying you two on your journey.

Kylo whispered things to them, glancing at you every so often. “Don’t stand there looking daft. Sit down and buckle up. We’ll be there in a short while.” He scowled at you, which you returned.

You took a seat in one of the leather passenger chairs and drifted off to sleep.

Suddenly, you were in the Supreme Leader’s chambers. He stared down at you exasperatedly.

No, not you. _Kylo._

“I have tasked you with so little, and even so you have yet to make any progress.” Snoke’s voice boomed. “I even indulged you and allowed you to keep that girl in hopes that she’d get us closer to Skywalker.”

Kylo wasn’t sure how to answer. He couldn’t disappoint Snoke. Not anymore. “I understand, Supreme Leader. We’re making progress, but–”

“But, nothing!” He shouted. “She is a _distraction_. I have half a mind to throw her back into space like trash.”

Kylo shook his head. “No, she’s helping me strengthen my passive abilities. I think she’s helping.”

Snoke snorted. “I don’t need ‘I think’. I need ‘I _know_ ’. I need progress.” Kylo looked down at his shoes. “Do you understand me, Ren?”

The words echoed over and over in your mind as images of destroyed equipment flashed by. Kylo was destroying everything without a second thought.

You awoke with a start after hearing Kylo yell your name. You rub at your eyes and look around. You were back on the ship in the land of the conscious.

“We’ve landed.” You peer out of the window to your right and see the rocky molten hills of Mustafar. From afar the planet was beautiful and intimidating. How you wished to be able to reach out and touch the beautiful lava.

“If you do anything idiotic like touching lava, I will leave you to perish on this planet.” Ren spat at you.

You decided you were too tired to shoot an insult back and decided to just follow him off the ship. Mustafar was definitely a lot hotter than you were used to. Even Idor, with its lush and humid rainforests, couldn’t compare to the unrelenting heat of Mustafar. Kylo had to be near heat exhaustion.

“I see you couldn’t leave your long black dress at home, huh?” You teased. He doesn’t respond. “Hm, nothing? Not even a hurtful quip? Who are and what have you done with Kylo Ren?”

Kylo sighs annoyedly. _Just be quiet_.

You open your mouth to respond, but ultimately shut your mouth like he’s instructed.

The two of you walk for some time in an awkward silence before Kylo stops. “This is where Anakin Skywalker died.”

You looked at his back confused. “Ah… Darth Vader died on the Death Star.”

Kylo shakes his head. “Not Darth Vader. _Anakin._ He became his true self here on this planet. Anakin died and became Darth Vader.”

You nod with slightly more understanding. This was about his weird obsession with his grandfather.

“I want to put my old self to rest. I want to become who I’m meant to be.” He turns to you, a fire in his eyes. “To do that I have to put my family’s legacy to rest.”

You sighed exasperatedly. “Kylo. Are you hearing yourself? You sound ridiculous. I was going to blow off your little fanboy session over your grandfather, but this is too far. No one decides fate other than themselves.”

“This is what I decide!” He shouts at you. His temper was flaring as it always did.

You had held your tongue for so long, but this was your breaking point. You refused to watch him senselessly waste away. “This is not what you chose for you. It’s what Snoke decided for you. Have you ever stopped to ask yourself what you really want. Without the cloak of the Skywalker’s or Snoke, what do _you_ want?”

Kylo opens his mouth, only to close it. He reaches for the lightsaber on his belt and activates it. He lifts it and you close your eyes. This was it. He was taking heed to Snoke’s advice. You were a distraction and he was going to put an end to you.

As you wait for the lightsaber to slice through you, you hear rock crumble behind you. You slowly open your eyes to see Kylo had sliced through a hunk of igneous rock.

“You’re overworking yourself for a goal that isn’t your own.” You tell him, hoping to get him to open up. “You can’t expertly wield your Force energy until you decide who you are. Not who you want to be.”

“I don’t know! I don’t know what I want! I–I’m scared!” He confesses, his voice breaking. You take his hand in yours and place a hand on his cheek.

He so desperately wanted to live up to the Skywalker legacy. Either of them. It was tearing him apart. “I’m here for you, Kylo. I can’t see your future, but I swear I’ll be by your side for it.”

Kylo’s deep brown eyes seemed to stare straight through you as if you were made of glass.

Then, his lips were pressed against yours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading! finally definitive romance has been introduced. wild amiright? 
> 
> much love <3


	9. His Arms & Pianos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Immediately following the small kiss you and Kylo shared.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recently made a playlist to accompany me reading Kylo fanfiction. It's a very soft playlist full of Cigarettes After Sex, Rejjie Snow, and Snoh Aalegra. Give it a listen if you'd like. 
> 
> Kylo More Like Crylo Am I Right? playlist is here: https://open.spotify.com/user/lunarshowers/playlist/6AghBhum1ZrlzkmbW8qY08

It was purely instinctual. Not even Kylo knew what he was doing until it was done. His plump pink lips were softer and smoother than you had expected. You didn’t realize you had longed for his kiss until he pulled away. For a long while you two stared at each other in heavy, hot silence. Kylo swallowed hard and you looked down at your shoes.

It felt damn near an eternity before Kylo finally spoke up. “That was extremely unprofessional. I’m sorry.” Then, he turned from you and began to walk off. You could tell he didn’t want to be followed.

You sat on a nearby boulder to mull things over. Noel would have a field day with this. Would Kylo even want you to tell her? You felt that familiar swirling in your stomach that you had experienced early that morning. Was it Kylo? Or had it been you this time?

Confliction birthed itself in you. Had you liked the feeling of him kissing you? Well, if your warming cheeks had any say, the answer would be an obvious yes. Had he ruined your business relationship with the kiss? Likely. Had you effectively ruined your relationship with him with your stunned silence? More than likely.

You had never had a significant other. The dealings of romance were completely lost on you. Of course you had felt love before, but it was platonic. Familial. You weren’t sure you could call this love. Not yet.

Did Kylo love you? Doubtful.

You looked up to the sky, begging someone–anyone–for answers. You didn’t want to go to the King of the Broods for them. He’d likely give you a cryptic answer, if he gave one at all. 

Leaning back on the smooth but uncomfortable rock, you found yourself lost in the hues of the sky. Hazy smoke plumes clouded the view of the reddening sky. The planet looked so angry. Maybe Mustafar was just misunderstood. Like Kylo.

With that thought you found yourself slipping into sleep.

 

~

 

You woke to someone’s arms hooking under your legs and head. Panicking momentarily, your eyes shot open before seeing the man who had caused you all this turmoil. Your heart rate slowed and you buried your head into the crook of his neck. His expression was stern and reserved. His thoughts were quieted.

“Where are we going?” You whispered into his neck, voice hoarse from lack of use.

For about a minute, Kylo gave no answer. You were about to roll your eyes and dismiss it before he spoke. “We’re going back to the ship.”

You didn’t know what Kylo had done in his time away from you on Mustafar. Honestly, you didn’t much care. His Force was much calmer, so what did it matter?. Well, as calm as Ren’s could be.

You heard the soft hum of the ship in the distance and sighed. Feeling bold, you cleared your throat. “You didn’t have to apologize earlier.”

Words strained in his throat as he boarded the ship with you in his arms. He couldn’t discuss this with you here now. This was a conversation to be saved for later.

If later ever came.

The ride back on the ship was filled to the brim with silence and tension. Even the pilots were uneasy. Docking at the bay of the ship Kylo quickly exited with a flourish. Something in you wanted to follow him, but you smothered that voice in your head. Instead, you walked to the med bay to chat with Noeldani.

She looked rather bored thumbing through a romance novel that she had acquired weeks ago, but never actually picked up. You always criticized her for her lack of drive.

Noel gasped as she noticed your presence. “You’re back so soon! Well, not exactly soon, it’s been quite a long while without you here. I just figured your sexcapades on Mustafar would last longer.” She grinned.

You narrowed your eyes at her. “Who told you I was going to Mustafar?”

“Pshh,” Noel waved her hand. “Med crew is always notified of the higher ups’ trips so we can pack proper medical provisions and be on standby if anyone returns wounded.” Tucking the book in her desk, she leaned her chin in her cupped hands. “Who cares about that, though? What have you been up to all day?”

“I slept.” You said simply. Not a lie, but not the truth.

“Oh my, you slept the whole time after your…” She lowered her voice. “ _Relations?_ ” Her question was accompanied by a childish gesture where she stuck her finger in a circle made by her fist.

“There were no relations, Noel!” You exclaimed. This had to be the millionth time you told her this, but it never stuck.

She smiled coyly. “Yeah, sure.” Noel checked the time on her holopad. “Well, it’s kinda late, kid. I need to clean up and retire soon, so skedaddle.” She waved you out playfully.

Heeding her words, you leave the med bay and travel to the mess hall. The line was rather short, so you sped through and only ordered some noodles. The broth warmed your insides and for once today you felt at ease. After wolfing down your food, you traveled back to your quarters to rest for the millionth time today. At least you were making up for the sleep you’d been missing the night prior.

Unfortunately, every time you close your eyes quiet piano notes resonated in your head. It was a soft familiar tune. You had heard it on Naboo before. Perhaps on the radio or at the market over loudspeakers.

Was Kylo listening to music? You hadn’t even known he listened to music. He seemed like the type to only listen to music at regal events, never for recreation.

Before you know it, your legs were moving towards the door of his quarters. Clothed only in an oversized sweatshirt you felt rather awkward. You knocked on the door, which he opened with haste. Taking in your appearance, his eyes roam your body.

“What song is this?” You ask as you usher yourself through the doorway.

The question clearly caught him off guard. He fumbled with his datapad to look at the song’s info. “Uh, it’s called Me & My Piano.” You nod serenely. You begin to sing along, twirling in the middle of his living room.

_“So don't cry 'cause I will make_

_You see the light_

_Don't leave me 'cause I need you”_

You take his hand in yours and pull him close. Your sudden closeness makes you acutely aware of every muscle under his black t-shirt and sweats. You look into his beautiful golden eyes and smile.

_“Open your eyes_

_And promise to fly with me_

_In the blue sky”_

You swayed back and forth in his arms. He seemed tense at first, until he realized you had no negative intentions. You simply rocked from foot to foot in his warm embrace.

_“Let the raindrops demise onto_

_New lands and I'll_

_Buy a spaceship and fly to a_

_World where we'll get high”_

You still weren’t sure if you loved him, but you knew you never wanted to leave this moment. You wanted to be his, and he yours. If this soulmate crap was real, that want was already afforded to you. And if it wasn’t, you didn’t mind. As long as you could have more moments like this. In his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya! thanks for reading! i know that chap was long overdue, but i was super overwhelmed with work. then i got sick, which didn't help either. the song used in this work is ME & MY PIANO by rejjie snow. i love rejjie so much! its in my spotify playlist which is linked up above. 
> 
> much love to everyone and thanks for your patience! <3


	10. Tears & Lies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snoke chastises you and Kylo for your shortcomings, leading you to both say some less than nice things to each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> its been forever,, i know. i wanted to rewrite some parts of the series, but just never had the time. balancing class, homework, and a social life left no time for extracurriculars. then, i got antsy about writing this chapter a few days ago, so here we are. now that my classes are done for the moment, i should be more active. hopefully. no promises. anyways this chap is a little longer than normal to make up for it. 
> 
> tw// there's a small mention of reader vomiting, so if thats off putting skip the paragraph before the ~ 
> 
> Kylo More Like Crylo Am I Right? playlist is here: https://open.spotify.com/user/lunarshowers/playlist/6AghBhum1ZrlzkmbW8qY08

You spent more than a few cycles avoiding Kylo for fear of that pitter pattering in your heart to return. You could physically distance yourself, but that didn’t stop the Force from invading on his mundane tasks during the day. During your training, much to your instructor’s agitation,  you’d admire the way Ren’s voice cast throughout the bridge when he gave orders. In the comfort of your own quarters, late at night you’d get visions of Ren’s body adorned by water droplets. His muscles rippling with every stretch for the soap. His raven locks slicked back by the weight of the water. He had, unknowingly,  caused you more than one night of unrest.

Kylo hadn’t given your scarce appearance much thought. Perhaps Snoke had been right when he ordered your removal. No, he still didn’t want to get rid of you. He’d just need to sort through some things and then he could _finally_ figure out what was going on between the two of you.

What _was_ going on between you two? A small kiss and shared thoughts had drastically upturned his feelings. To love her? To love her not? To love her? To love her _not_ ? One thing was for sure. Snoke would have _none_ of their little love affair. Was it even a _love_ affair? Stars, why were relationships so hard?

None of that mattered when Snoke sent Kylo to the Starkiller base where the traitorous lot were currently located. He finally arrived to be face to face with his aged father. Han spieled about how he should return home. To the light. Snoke had known, Kylo knew,  Han would be there. This was his test. To prove himself, his loyalty, he would have to kill his father. So…

_He did it._ What choice did he have? He had no home in the Republic, with the Resistance. He’d be labeled a monster no matter where he went. At least in the First Order, he’d be respected. As the burning red pierced through Solo’s chest Kylo looked his dad in his eyes and spoke lowly, “Thank you.”

You sprung up from sleep in a cold sweat. Was that Han Solo? Did Kylo… kill him? You felt a sickness deep in your stomach. Your body felt heavy and breathing became harder and harder. Was that a vision of the future? Or the present? It was so hard to tell these days. Sweat poured from your brow as you tossed and turned under the thin sheets. It felt so real. As if his death had come at your hand. You felt everything down to the heat the lightsaber gave off when ignited. The swirl of emotions—of darkness—made you nauseous. You rushed to the refresher to be sick in the chrome toilet. The tile was cool against your icy hot skin. Then, you passed out right there on the floor.

 

~

 

“She’s barely stable, she’s not ready to go _anywhere._ ” A familiar voice spoke.

Noeldani?

Your head felt like there was a million and one glass shards shoved through it. You opened your eyes slightly, only to be attacked by the fluorescent lights of the med bay. Everything was too loud, too bright.

“Snoke demands to see her. If you can’t get her up in the next five minutes, that’ll be on _you_.” The other voice snided. It was that awful putz General Hux.

You groan and attempt to sit up. Every nerve in your body was begging you to lay back down, but you couldn’t let Noel get in trouble for your inability. “It’s alright. I’m alright.” You attempt to convince everyone whilst wincing in pain.

Hux couldn’t care less about your condition and begins for the door of the med bay, expecting you to get up and follow.

Noel took your hand in her’s. “You report right back here as soon as you’re done. I need to check your vitals and hopefully diagnose whatever you have going on. It started as a bad fever,  but it’s gone now.” You nod and assure her you’ll do as she asks.

Following behind Hux you look down at your feet gliding along the black tiles. You were barefoot in a hospital gown. It was black and thin, making you rather self conscious. However, you doubted Snoke would take heed of your nipples against the fabric in the frigid air of the ship. You wrap your arms around yourself and hoped whatever this was wouldn’t last too long.  

Hux soundlessly stands in front of a blaster door, waiting for it to open. Once it does, he pushes you inside. You turn to glare at the ginger man, but the doors are already shut.

“You have too much of your father’s heart in you, young Solo.” Snoke chastised Kylo who was kneeling in front of him. It was like watching a parent scold a toddler in the middle of a supermarket. Was that why you were here? To further humiliate Kylo?

Kylo rushes to explain himself. “I killed Han Solo.” He huffs. “When the moment came, I didn’t hesitate.”

“And look at you. The deed split your spirit to the bone.” That’s what you felt. The onslaught of Kylo’s confliction and regret. He really had murdered his own father in cold blood. “You were unbalanced, bested by a girl who had never held a lightsaber! You _failed!_ ” With those cutting words Kylo rushes up to attack? To throw a tantrum? Either way Snoke carelessly brushes him off with Force lightning sending him flying backwards into you. You grunt in pain as the Praetorian guards ready their weapons. “Skywalker lives. The seed of the Jedi order lives. As long as he does, hope lives in the galaxy.” Ren rushes to his feet leaving you there crumpled on the floor. What you wouldn’t give to just lay here unseen. Unknowing. “I thought you would be the one to snuff it out. Unless you’re no Vader.” His words were cutting. You could feel Kylo’s energy boiling with nowhere to go. He wanted to rage. To throw something. To hurt someone. However, he couldn’t. Not here. Not now. “You’re just a child… in a mask.”

Snoke’s focus turns to you, making your insides turn. You attempt to move to your feet, swaying in place as the room spun around you. “This is _your_ fault.” His voice boomed around you. “You have taught him _nothing_ . How could I leave his fate in an Idorian girl who couldn’t keep her own people from burning?” You wanted to cry. He was right. You couldn’t do anything right. “You can’t even dignify my speech with a response! Where can I find capable world leaders? Because all I see are two worthless _children!”_ You sniffled and looked to your feet. You couldn’t cry in front of this decrepit man. “ _Get out of my sight!”_ He commands as the blaster doors open and you rush out, Kylo stomping close behind.

“He’s right.” Tears falling freely down your face now that you were gone, you looked toward you wayward pupil. Words formed in your throat to assure him that he wasn’t a failure, but you’re cut off by his own. “You are my shortcomings. My training was on the right track before I had you here preaching your graysider bullshit.”

Your mouth fell agape as he spat those words at you. This was un-fucking-believable. He was unpolished before you. Albeit, he’s still unpolished now, he had made some progress in controlling himself. “Are you kidding me?” You shout shocked.

Kylo huffs angrily, his hand not holding his helmet balled into a fist. “I should’ve left you in Naboo where I found you.” He growls at you.

Naboo. Your home. You began to formulate a sharp toothed retort, but a vision floods your brain. The burning of your home. Your _real_ home. Idor. The beautiful beaches and adjacent rainforest covered in flames. Everything your people worked to preserve. Your people’s Force powers only manifested to protect the flora and fauna. But, they destroyed it. No…

_He_ destroyed it. Someone had altered your memory. Something about Snoke’s declaration had seemed false to you. Sure enough, when you relived the awful day there were First Order battalions flying over the planet. _Their_ Stormtroopers set fire to everything you loved. They lied. The both of them. Kylo had to have known.

You suddenly felt a surge of energy as you rushed at Kylo to attack him. Using your Force, you tossed his lightsaber down the hallway. Quickly pouncing on the black clad man, you clawed at his face, kicking and screaming. Tears flowed in streams. You wanted him to hurt. To feel your hurt. You knew no amount of attacking would bring them back, but it didn’t matter. Kylo threw you back off of him. You landed on your feet and began to throw things at him. The scene reminded you so much of your training all that time ago. Then, you hadn’t meant to hurt him. Now, all you could feel was hurt. That’s all you could convey.

“I hate myself for _ever_ putting any of my time or effort in you! You will find your place amongst your idol. Dying, burning with everything you tried to create. I hope it hurts when you go.” You rush once more at him, punching up at his face. He couldn’t block the entirety of your onslaught and you ended up connecting one or two good hits. It was then that you noticed he wasn’t attacking you back. Where did all that fire from a second ago disappear off to. Once you stopped to breathe, he pinned you against the wall with the Force. He took both of your wrists in his one gloved hand, helmet still in the other. “Do it, kill me.” You sneer at him. He only shakes his head. You spit on his face where the bandage covered his scar from the scavenger girl. You could feel his anger building again. He lifts the hand with the helmet in it and you close your eyes, expecting your death. This would be the second time he left you with death blue balls as he smashes his helmet to the side of your head. Then he glides off. Nastily, you scream at his flourishing cape, “See! You’re too weak to take out something you love! Coward!” After he’s down the hallway, your Force restraints are freed and you fall to your knees.

Storming off to your quarters you dress quickly. Your rage leads you to the escape pods. You board one and enter the coordinates for Idor. With that you shoot off into hyperspace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you all so much for reading! your kudos and comments keep me going. thanks for sticking through this with me!
> 
> much love! <3


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